Being the 'Too Much' Woman

I am learning to be the “too much” woman.

The woman that talks too much and too loud. She thinks too much and dares to express herself too! Has too many opinions. She curses too much. Dances and dresses in a way that's "too much". And jeez, she sings too!

She dreams too big, travels too much, is way too independent, wants too much from life. Has standards that are too high.

I am learning to be comfortable with being the woman that feels too much and loves too much. And then expresses so much of her love and emotion.

So much so that her words are met with silence, because others cannot match her intensity. So much so that her love scares people, because they are unable to receive that much love. So much so that perhaps some will leave, because her expression makes them too uncomfortable.

People will get uncomfortable when they see others be and express themselves in ways and amounts that they cannot allow themselves to.

You know what I think?

Silence is pretty good! We used to be burnt and stoned for this. I’ll take silent treatment anytime over that. I watch people watch me, and I’m learning to be with all of this.

It’s not comfortable. It feels unsafe.

And I can’t go back to trying to be just the right amount. I can’t pretend I’m “cool” when I am not. I can’t pretend I’m ok when I’m hurting. I don’t see why I should hide my love or try to contain it — if you can't handle it, that's not my problem, that your own work to do.

I don’t want to hide my dreams or try to minimize my achievements in fear I might overshadow someone. I used to. But I don’t have time for that anymore. I don’t have energy for it.

Do you know how exhausting it is to try to keep on a mask and pretend you’re something that you’re not? I don’t know if there’s anything more exhausting in a human life than trying to suppress or hide what is.

Unfortunately, this is how most of us live our lives.

And we have a population of exhausted, burnt-out, depressed, lifeless humans with all sorts of inexplicable illnesses.

I’m dreaming of a humanity that reclaims its vibrancy and lust for life.

Let’s cut the crap and just say what’s on our mind like there’s no tomorrow.

Because sincerely—how do you know there’s a tomorrow?

With love and lust for life

The woman who never felt the right amount