The Real Reason You Can’t Just "Step Into Your Power"—And Why Mindset Coaching Won't Help You

Do your friends or mentors ever tell you to “just stand in your power”?

Mine do.

(Though to be fair… I told them to. 😅)

I thought it was excellent advice, so I asked them to remind me of it whenever I forgot.

But you know what?

It hasn’t been working.

And I just finally understood why.

But let me back up a bit and explain a little about my experience of life.

My name is Claire and I've done a lot of epic shit in my life, but also, there have been so many situations where I felt helpless or confused.

When I didn’t know what to do.

Often, I wouldn't know how to respond when someone demanded or expected something from me, or simply when they pushed their energy onto mine.

I could feel my body shrinking, my energy retreating, my words disappearing.

The Power Pep Talks

After years of inner work, I finally understood that this was a pattern my nervous system runs—a survival imprint.

A pattern many people have.

But not everyone.

I understood that I was giving my power away, which was not just unnecessary, but also unhelpful and not pretty.

And so I thought I had the solution:

When I feel lost or confused, I just need to remember my power. I know I have it! So I just need to be reminded of it when I forget!

Easy, right?

So I asked my closest peeps to help out: "If you see me in stuck, confused or helpless mode, please remind me to step into my power again!"

Well… either they did a terrible job, or it just didn’t work.

(Actually, honestly—both. Damn y’all, help a girl out. 😅)

It's been a year now and I think they all forgot by now, but here's what happened last week.

I was triggered by something extremely minor. I felt like a friend was being slightly demanding. And I didn't know what to do. I felt squashed. I wanted the situation to be gone.

I shared about it with my boyfriend and he said, lovingly:

“Sounds like someone trying to stand in their power… just a little clumsily.”

I knew it came from love. Because that's how he is. 🤍

But inside, I felt more like this:

“F*ck you! You have no idea how squashed I feel right now! No idea how much emotional labor just responding to her text is! I would rather run away and disappear than look for my power in this moment.”

The funny thing is, I was perfectly aware of just how minor this situation was.

But inside my body?

It felt crushing.

And that gentle "just keep remembering and practising to stand in your power" reminder?

It did not make me happy. 😅

It did not make the situation go away.

It did not make me go: "Oh thank you! You're right! I am powerful! Now that I'm reminded, I'll just go on and act like the natural powerhouse I am!"

And that was the moment I realized—simply being reminded of my power was not the panacea that would magically fixed my life.

I Searched For My Power. I Didn't Find It

Because it didn’t fix the part of me that was terrified of standing up for myself.

It didn’t dissolve the nausea in my stomach or the pressure in my chest.

It didn’t, in fact, make me feel any more powerful.

Which got me thinking…

What if “just stand in your power” is actually terrible advice for some of us?

I mean, really—how many times have we heard:

“Gurl, just find your power!”

Like it’s hanging out in some drawer next to your passport and lip balm, just waiting to be found?

Uh-huh...

I'm sorry, but when I’m frozen, when I feel emotionally flooded, when someone is pushing into my space or my energy and overpowering me...

I'm small. I'm drained just trying to claim a bit of air to breathe. I do not have the energy to go and find my power.

Also, I'm checked out. I'm in fight or flight, so I'm not operating within my full mental capacities.

In a moment like that, it's not about some quick mindset shift.

Because I'm in a full-blown automatic nervous system response.

It's a survival strategy that my nervous system learned a long time ago: that being powerful wasn’t safe.

💡 Your Power Is Already Inside You! So Why Can't You Find it?

So it became obvious to me:

You don’t just “go out and find” your power.

You don’t even “step into it.”

Because your power is already right here. Inside of you. Always has been.

So you can't just go out and find it in some power-supplies cabinet.

But then why don’t you feel it, if it's already there, inside?

Because for most of us, it’s been buried.

Squashed. Hidden under layers of projections and conditioning—usually from parents, teachers, and other authority figures who taught us:

• “You should be ashamed of yourself.”

• “You do as I say!”

• “No child of mine will behave like this!”

• “You did it wrong again.”

• “It’s your fault.”

• “Stop yelling—no, you’re not angry at your brother!”

What happens when our young brains are impressed with these assertions?

First of all, we internalize that we are inappropriate. Not good enough. Unloveable.

We are told to feel ashamed or guilty.

With repetition, we start normalizing these feelings and accepting them as the truth about our very essence: that we are a source of shame for our family, that our emotions, our assertion of will and authentic expression are inherently inappropriate, and that, overall, we are an inconvenience.

Chronic Shame and Guilt

The first thing that happens is that we start looping in guilt and shame.

Shame and guilt are extremely heavy.

Vibrationally speaking, they are the two emotions that carry the lowest frequencies of all (see image below).

That means there is very little life force/vital energy flowing in your body when you are stuck in these heavy emotional lows.

From "Power vs Force" by David R. Hawkins

And this heaviness? It suppresses vitality, joy, creativity, and personal truth.

We internalize the message that we are bad and wrong simply for being who we are.

Repressing Our Fire

The second thing that happens when we keep hearing iterations of "stop screaming, you are a bad boy"?

We learn that anger is bad. Feeling intense things is bad. And expressing them is even worse.

Defending ourselves? Oh boy, don't do that! Mommy will get angry and leave you alone in a dark room.

Well, that's some scary stuff. So we learn to never feel and express these things again.

Unfortunately, it's not just anger that gets stuffed down.

It's also our fire. Our expression. Assertion. Healthy self-defense. Our stamina and life force. Our power.

We learn that to exist fully—loudly, radiantly, and honestly—is inappropriate.

And here’s the thing—anger, while not always “pretty,” is not inherently bad.

It’s the element of fire.

It’s a flavor of power.

(See the image above: anger is much higher up than shame and guilt, and also higher up than desire!)

But if anger was your first taste of that power and it got you shamed, punished, or ignored…

You might have learned that all expression of power is unsafe.

That expression is dangerous, your voice is a threat, your bigness must be tamed.

So we shrink.

We over-apologize, over-explain, and tiptoe around others.

We contort ourselves to take up as little space as possible—especially when we’re around people who seem stronger, louder, more entitled to their own power.

And here's what makes it harder:

Not all of us grew up like this.

Some people never had to go through this or such statements didn't leave an imprint. Others may have heard it just as often, but their fire was stronger than their caregivers' and so they learned to assert their power nonetheless.

To them, accessing their power feels natural. They’ve always known they had it. So when they see someone frozen, small, unsure—they think:

“But your power is inside you. You just have to stand up and use it."

How hard could it be?

It really shouldn't be. And yet, for some of us, it feels impossible. Why?

Because claiming our power was never an option.

It wasn’t safe. It wasn’t allowed. It wasn’t survivable.

So we made a quiet promise: never go there again.

The people telling you to “just stand in your power” probably have no idea what you’re carrying.

They don’t know what it’s like to be punished, shamed, squashed and shut down for expressing yourself.

They don’t understand that you burying your power—and throwing the damn shovel down the river to never be seen again—was the only way you knew how to survive.

This Isn’t Just About You. It’s About Your Relationships Too.

And this isn’t just important for you to understand.

It’s crucial for your relationships, too.

Because big-energy people may never understand you.

They may wonder:

What's wrong with you? Why are you so...weak? Why can't you just stand up for yourself?

And for you? It may feel enraging and debilitating to see them fire their charm around:

Why is it so easy for them? And why don't they get it?

So when my boyfriend supportively acknowledged what was going on for me? In that moment, I had a hard time receiving his encouragement.

🤍 The good man was doing exactly what I asked of him: reminding me of my power. ✅

🤍 He was cheering me on. 🙏

🤍 Commanding me for my courage. 🙏

🤍 Encouraging my sustained hard work. 🙏

And yet, despite knowing his best intentions, a part of me felt annoyed, thinking:

"Ughhh so easy for you to say! You have no idea what I am going through!

People like you will never understand how squashed and disgusting we feel!

You don't understand the exhaustive amount of labor we have to go through to even touch base with our power in situations like these!"

It's just enraging that for some peeps, it's the most natural thing, and for some of us, it feels like death, you feel me? 😅

To sum it up: no, you didn’t give your power away because you were weak.

You buried it because you literally had no other choice.

And no, you don’t need to go out and “find” your power.

It’s not hiding in your next cup of cacao or in a $20K mastermind.

And don't get me wrong, there are powerful tools and that can help you glimpse it.

I witness it when I guide people through breathwork journeys or meditations.

They stand up, a little disoriented, and say:

“Wow… that was powerful.”

And their whole being tells me something shifted—before their words even catch up.

Or you may tell me that you've done a few Tony Robbins priming exercises, and felt your power awaken instantly! Bam! You roared like a lion and felt like it too!

Amazing.

But how long did it last? A few minutes? A few days?

It’s good stuff.

But what happens when you go back to work and your big, smart, mean, intimidating boss yells at you for a mistake you made?

Your body collapses. Your heart sinks. Your gut twists.

You feel like shit.

You don’t think: “Let me own my power now!”

You think: “I’m a total f**k-up. I'm lucky he’s even putting up with me.”

Where's that lion roar now?

See this is not about mastering your mindset.

This is trauma. This is your body doing what it was wired to do—protect you.

Fire Without Safety Isn’t Power

So yes—those exercises, the ones that hype you up or crack something open—can be powerful.

They show you what’s possible.

They give you a taste of what’s inside you.

But here’s the thing about accessing your power like that: It’s a glimpse.

Not a foundation.

You can roar like a lion when you’re in the heat of a workshop, surrounded by safe people and high vibes.

But what about later?

When your intimidating boss calls you out in front of everyone—

do you still roar?

Or do your shoulders cave in, your chest tighten, your stomach churn?

Do you walk home dragging shame behind you like a broken suitcase,

catch your reflection in the mirror…

And think: "Time to roar and call my power back, biatcheezzz!"

Or do you think: “I’m such a f**king failure..."

I don't know about you, but for me, it used to be the second case...

I couldn’t just remember my power.

I couldn’t hype myself back up.

I couldn’t think my way out of feeling like shit.

So what can we do?

You Don’t Need More Hype. You Need Nervous System Healing.

If the power is already in us—and those moments of clarity prove that it is—then how do we stay connected to it?

Here's what most personal development books don't tell you: You won’t fully feel your power—or stay connected to it—until you release what’s weighing it down.

Because, currently, your power is hidden, buried deep down under all the shame, blame, guilt, inappropriateness, and the sheer fear of existing in a world where you may inconvenience other people.

And it cannot rise until you’ve shed it all:

• The beliefs that you are “too much” or “not enough.”

• The fear of being overpowered and squashed.

• The helpless sense of powerlessness or confusion.

• The silent frustration.

• The stuck grief.

• The gnawing feeling that you can never win.

• The anger that was never allowed to move through.

Until then, your power will feel like a distant or fleeting concept—like something you’ll never quite “figure out.”

Because the shame and guilt on top of it? It's a survival mechanism. And survival is much more important to your psyche than feeling powerful. So until you can dismantle the entire structure that you created to survive as a child — you will not be able to override it simply with sustained force, effort and mindset.

Here's the thing: you can't override biology.

But you can change your biology.

You can rewire your nervous system to actually feel safe being expressed, including in your fire.

And from there? Standing in your power will become natural. Effortless. It will feel great, instead of terrifying.

Your Power Isn’t Missing. It’s Waiting to Be Liberated

Once you start doing the real inner work—releasing what was never yours to carry—your power rises. Naturally. Effortlessly.

Not because you "found it."

But because you finally liberated it.

If you're ready for that liberation and empowerment: This is the work I do.

Send me an email or a DM.

I'll get the shovel.

We'll dig together.

And the treasures we unbury?

They’re all yours to enjoy.