True Freedom: Letting It Rip

True freedom is allowing yourself to let it rip, because you know it’s ok and that it is safe to do so.

࿐࿔ a snippet from my life

I was on the train to work and a notification popped in a messenger chat where members of my community ask each other for presence and support:

“Really needing support right now, anyone available?”

“I can sit with you for 5, but the connection might drop, on the train to work,” I offered.

I started the videocall and he was right in the middle of it. Crying hysterically, making noise, shaking, throwing his arms around in despair. I closed my eyes, took some slow deep breaths in and just witnessed him in his process. I felt called to do a little bit of gentle humming and sigh softly on the out-breath to stabilize and soften the energies. I told him I was there for him, reminded that he was not alone, not this time, that he did not have to go through such an experience alone. These things come intuitively — whatever the person needs at the given moment.

He picked up his phone which had been facing the ceiling and adjusted it so that I could actually see him and then continued releasing the emotion. Bold.

I was surprised because who the heck wants to be really seen like that on camera in a nasty hysterical process?! 🫢 But then I was impressed — it’s very uncomfortable and very courageous and very very healing — being witnessed in all that emotional depth is soo powerful!

Honestly, I find it is the best medicine to feeling inappropriate or “wrong” — I just had a conversation with someone today who told me they constantly feel wrong for doing whatever they do, for just being themselves. I know that one very well. And I found that if I can be the most inappropriate, “wrong”, insane self in front of someone else and they don’t go away and judge me but instead accept me, support me, and love on me — it just makes your brain go crazy!!! Like whaaaat they didn’t run away??? It gives the brain undeniable evidence that people won’t run away when you show some real and raw you. It rewires the brain and changes your experience of life because suddenly, you no longer have the proof to support the believe that your emotions and expression are not worthy of anyone’s time and presence and that everyone would run away from us (how many of us believe that?). It affects your experience of your self-worth, your confidence, your ability to receive love and support, your relationships.

I was sitting on that Swiss train, with my headphones on, of course, thinking - oh boy if the passengers saw me staring at my screen watching this muscular grown man sitting on his bed in his underwear crying and shaking hysterically and me just sitting there calmly and quietly, as if nothing was happening, occasionally uttering a few soft words of encouragement… that probably looks a little weird… 😅 It was a little scary, there was a minor sense of inappropriateness, and shame, because "proper people" don’t do such things, but then there was a much larger sense of excitement and pride — how cool is my life to have such unusual human experiences? And to have so much trust from others and to be able to hold others’ big emotions like that?

The power of community. The power of support. The power of being yourself. The power of allowing and expressing it all — all your overwhelming, weird, unexpected, unwanted, debilitating emotions. The power of being witnessed and loved on — no matter how unsightly and unlovable you think you are in such a tough moment.

This kind of support is the most healing, reassuring and stabilizing medicine I am yet to experience. I feel so in awe to have a community like that and so grateful to be able to request and receive support in the same manner as well as to offer it to others when they need it.

PS - If you zoom in, you can see the mountain train 🚞🚞😁😁